Category Archives: Trumpery

Donald Trump Answers the Westminster Catechism

W. Cat.: Brother Donald, thou art welcome here for a trial of thy knowledge in the Christian faith and its doctrine.
Trump: I was just hoping we could have a few questions back and forth here. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let’s say, China in a doctrine deal? They kill us every time it comes to the Catechism. Well I beat China all the time. All the time. I’m going to build a new Great Wall of China before the next time they try to even make a deal with us about the Catechism. The Chinese are going to be the new Catechism losers, that’s what.

Q. 1. What is the chief and highest end of man?
Trump: Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make. I’ve believed that my whole life. Do you see what I’m saying?

Q. 5. What do the Scriptures principally teach?
Trump: That’s a very personal question, Cat. And I’ve said that before.

Q. 16. How did God create angels?
Trump: That’s a concept, not a fact. And you know, and I know, it was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive. Are we still spending money on this? I’ll tell you what: I buy the angels and make them work for us. End of problem.

Q. 19. What is God’s providence towards the angels?
Trump: Very, very little corporate tax.

Q. 24. What is sin?
Trump: I really don’t know, Cat, that’s not my job to know that.

Q. 46. What was the estate of Christ’s humiliation?
Trump: Taxation over 25%.

Q. 66. What is that union which the elect have with Christ?
Trump: When I’m elected, you’re going to see a lot of big change, a lot of good change. That’s what.

Q. 79. May not true believers, by reason of their imperfections, and the many temptations and sins they are overtaken with, fall away from the state of grace?
Trump: I don’t know if I’d go that far. My father had a four-step formula for getting things done: Get in. Get it done. Get it done right. And get out. Do you see what I mean? Why is this news to you people? Next.

Q. 84. Shall all men die?
Trump: Is this a gotcha question? I don’t do that. Don’t play games with me, Cat. I know your games.

Q. 90. What shall be done to the righteous at the day of judgment?
Trump: I’ll tell you what: I am the worst thing that ever happened to any day of judgment. The IRS is already afraid of me. They donate to my campaign. I donated a lot to them through my whole life. They’re going to be applying for a lot of jobs soon.

Q. 99. What rules are to be observed for the right understanding of the Ten Commandments?
Trump: Did you hear about Starbucks? There’s no more Ten Commandments on the cups. You know what I’m going to do? Buy Starbucks and put the Ten Commandments back on the cups. Are we done here?

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